I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
