I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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