I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
