My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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