she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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