we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize