Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
