I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
