I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
