Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
