glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
