I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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