its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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