She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
