My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
