So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize