Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
