True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
