i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
