Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
