Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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