I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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