I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
