i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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