Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're a waste of cheezeits
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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