i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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