so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
