he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
