you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
