okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
