Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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