had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
