the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
