you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sober January is a disaster.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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