whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
