i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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