So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Enjoy the penises
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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