allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
