I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
