i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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