fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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