Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
