I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
