and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
