Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
