So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Alive.
So much puke
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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