This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
