I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drunk is not a location!
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