Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
