You work out of a Hotel?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
