i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
