i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize