my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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