...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
