Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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