We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
