I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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