That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Success! We fucked roommates!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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