Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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