im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
