This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
