I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
