P.S. I can't hear my feet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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