OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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