I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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