Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
