I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
