I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
