I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
