Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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