I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize