Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
