Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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