and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
