So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize